Tuesday, January 18, 2011


No pictures this time... (again!)... but I feel like I need to share what is on my heart.

Never in my 35 years did I think that I would hear the words "you have cancer". It's something that happens to OTHER people... not me.

Yeah... not so much. It's amazing how these "simple" words completely change your life. For some good... and some bad. I have been beyond blessed by the kindness and love of friends and family. Back in December when I had my surgery, they pretty much took over the day to day stuff for me. I'm not one to ask for help... but have I ever learned that sometimes, you just need to accept it when it's offered! :)

It's been over a month since my original surgery... the surgery itself has healed fine. A minor scar... but nothing (thankfully) to horrible. Life has gone back to normal for the most part... at least it appears that way to most...

But I'm struggling. Deeply. Sometimes I feel like depression is going to take over.... my mind is constantly churning out different scenarios. I pray all day long for God to take over my thoughts... to not let Satan have his way. I try to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and I only need to trust HIM.

I've tried SO hard to stay strong and positive through this whole ordeal... I haven't really had a "WHY ME?!?!" moment. But the longer I deal with it, the more I find myself wondering... "why me?". I don't like pity parties... and I've tried REALLY hard to not have one for myself. But right now, I'm not sure what positive can come from all this.

All this being said... it leads me to my "word of the year". Apparently these are pretty popular in the bloggy world :). My word this year...


Simple as that (HA HA HA!). I have to trust that God has a plan. I have to trust that in the end all will be okay... and if it's not, that HE will take care of both myself and my little family. I have to trust Him to not give me more than what I can handle... or if it feels that way that he will provide a way to best deal with it. My pastor once said that our lives are "God's story". I have literally clung to those words over the last few months. HE has a plan... I just have to be willing to follow his lead.

So... if you're a praying sort of person, I could use some :). I'm working to protect my heart and mind from the negativity that Satan breeds. Working SO hard to stay focused on the goal of glorifying Christ in EVERYTHING... both good and bad. Working beyond hard to simply TRUST....


  1. I am praying for you dear friend. You are right that God will never give us more than we can handle WITH Him. The enemy wants you to doubt everything. Don't give in to him. You know that God is faithful and that every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Satan means to use this disease for evil, but God means for it to be good. He is bringing about change in your life and daily making you look more like Him. And remember that the Word of God is the Sword of the Spirit. It is your only offensive weapon in your armor of God to use in this battle for your mind. Use it! When Satan starts throwing those lies your way, firmly hold up your shield of Faith and boldly wield your sword. Start quoting Scripture out loud and the enemy will flee from you. I love you! You are not alone!!

  2. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I can pray for you and will continue to do so. Last year my dad was touch and go for 2 weeks. I was helpless to do anything, and during that time I had to solely rely on God. It was in His hands - the hands that are so much more capable than mine, and that's where I learned a lesson in control and that sometimes we need to allow ourselves to "held" in the arms of the one who is really in control. Sometimes easier said than done, especially from an outsider looking it, but I pray that He sends encouragement your way each and every day.

  3. SO, I so didn't know this! I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles but so thankful to know that you are OK! <3